Realization & Resolution

“Progress. Not digress,” My parents would say in tagalog.

I’ve got 2 classes failed, negative balance in my bank account, a long procrastinated release in my personal projects, and I still talk back to my parents. I can’t say I haven’t tried my best, because I have. There are reasons, but reasons are just excuses and giving excuses is an excuse in itself by justifying the failure. This results to more failures – the gateway to digression. I’ve come too far to digress.

It’s only today that I’ve realized how far I’ve gone to how near I still am. It all started 7 in the morning during breakfast with my parents. Dad asked if my grades came in yet and if I’ve passed all of my classes. I respond with a short, blunt, but reluctant “no”, already foreseeing my parents’ dismay, I instinctively became defensive. What could have been a short question and answer dialogue, became an irrational outburst on my part. Dad didn’t say much after. He just upped and left for work, while mom made me realize how dad will harbor an inevitable, ill feeling at work. It’s my fault, regardless of who/what/where/when happened. It’s as if I have forgotten how to be humble, that they’ve toiled day and night to provide and admonish, and I’m still here at the same maturity as toddler. Lesson? Be humble and listen, even though you don’t want to.

PHYS53 and ME106, respectively quantum physics and mechatronics respectively, I’ve failed. Study more. It’s a lot easier said than done. I think you can never study too much. I’ve gotten so accustomed to studying at a minimal level just enough to pass in high school. After 4 years of college, I’ve finally learned that “just enough” won’t cut it. The only thing it will cut is the opportunities I could have had. I can’t afford to cut out any more opportunities, so I’ve come up with a strategy and a realistic way to execute it. Better organization – label, file, date, segregate, and develop OCD. I think I had OCD in my earlier childhood that would come in handy in my line of studies. Master concepts and be meticulous with the details surrounding it. This only means I can’t stop at learning the concept. I have to go the extra marathon to apply it and teach it.

Broke. I always told myself to be wise with money, but I came out making excuses. This includes “it’s on sale”, “I’ve been wanting it forever”, or my personal favorite “fuck it, just get it”. I actually took the time to check my bank account activity and a lot of the big purchases are from unnecessary, extravagant spending –shoes, toys, expensive dining, and clothes. My parents’ lesson on this is to invest wisely. It’s not really spending wisely, rather invest. Investment guarantees financial turnaround, even though it doesn’t always guarantee profit.

This leads me to my personal projects. I’ve been dreaming of having my own clothing line brand. It requires time, money, and passion – all but one I lack. My passion started when I read up on how big streetwear brands became big without giving up uniqueness and passion. Passion fuels passion, and so mine was sparked. To dream big means to set a goal. To keep dreaming is the fuel. To JUST dream is an excuse, thus bringing me to my number one lesson – EXECUTE. Nike couldn’t say it better in three words or less. There’s always a way. Maybe there’s a billion ways of doing it, but do it in a way that maintains passion.

I know I’ve made about a billion mistakes, but along came with them were a billion lessons. I’m still learning. It’s better late than never, but it’s also better early than late. Now is as early as I can get from being so late so I’ll get to it. Here’s my 2011 and beyond resolution. No more excuses.